Beach Walk

Don't worry, this post will not end with the words "When you see just one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Got to take a walk along the beach today (my family has been in Myrtle Beach, SC for Christmas)... and I used it as an opportunity to have a conversation with God.  I've gotten out of the habit of talking to Him and even more out of the habit of shutting up and listening to what He wants to say in response.  We had quite a bit to say to each other.

In the first part of our conversation, God told me stop walking and look at the ocean.  Have you ever done that?  Have you ever just stood at the edge of the ocean and tried to take in the vastness of it?  Where I was standing I could look to either side and straight forward and pretty much see nothing but water.  The sky dips down to meet water at the horizon, but I know the water (and even the sky) stretches on beyond that.  As I stood there looking, I heard God whisper, "See how big it is?  That's only a small percentage of the vastness of my love and my grace.  You cannot even begin to imagine the ocean of love and grace you swim in.  No matter how hard you try, no matter which way you go, you can never swim out of it.  It is deep enough to cover your sins that lie buried under its floor.  Swim in it.  Float in it.  Be overwhelmed by it instead of the things that are happening in your heart and in the world around you."

I continued walking, discussing various things with Him along the way.  He reminded me that trusting Him is a choice, that I build my trust in Him by choosing to hand things over to Him in the moment instead of trying to control everything myself.  I'm probably not going to wake up one morning completely trusting Him; it's a process, and over time surrendering control will become easier and easier.

Farther along the beach I began asking Him about what He's doing in my heart.  As I mentioned in my last post, He's been revealing so many things, and I'm struggling with wanting to just take each thing and fix it.  It feels like right now all He's doing is showing me things--all kinds of things, one right after the other--not necessarily speaking to them or starting the process of fixing or healing.  So I asked Him, "What exactly do you have planned?  Where are we going from here?"  In typical God fashion, He didn't really answer my question.  Instead He directed my attention to the shells crunching under my feet.  The beach here is littered with thousands, actually millions, of shells, most of them broken.  "Could you fix any of these?  Could you pick up any of these pieces and put them back together to form even one shell?  It's not your job to fix stuff.  In your own heart or your friends' hearts.  This is my job.  And I've got it under control."  I let that sink in as I turned and headed back up the beach.  But then I saw something that made me question: an older couple was gathering shells, picking them up and putting them in a bag.  I noticed that all of the shells they kept were whole shells.  "But, God, people only ever pick up the whole shells to put in their bags and buckets.  And I'm most definitely a broken shell."  His answer came from a statement my sister had made the day before: "I actually want the broken ones.  I'll use them in my art."  People may only want the whole shells, but God (whose opinion is really the only one that matters) is using the broken ones to create His art.  He will fix my broken heart, but while it's broken, He doesn't love it any less.  Can I learn to live and rest in that truth?