The Battle for Healing

Yeah... it kinda seems like an oxymoron: the battle for healing.  But I'm learning that it's reality.

Over the last few months, God has been using my friendships to reveal wounds and thought patterns that just haven't been dealt with.  It's been difficult because it feels like these people are intentionally hurting me.  But God keeps saying, "These are my children.  Trust that their hearts are good.  They aren't trying to hurt you.  The wounds already existed, and now their actions are pressing on those wounds."  It's been an overwhelming process, because every time I think a wound has been healed and I'm learning to let go, another thought comes up and another wound is revealed.  And then it's time to do battle once again.

You see, Satan realizes that God is working on my heart for a reason.  God is bringing me to a place where I can be what He created to be, a place where His glory and love can flow through me.  And Satan's not a fan of that.  So he's doing everything he can to fight it.  Every time a wound is revealed, I have to fight Satan and his lies.  It's been exhausting.  But last night God spoke through my friend Heather to remind me that I don't have to fight these battles alone.  He wants to fight for my heart.  All I have to do is ask.  So often I feel like that knight in Monty Python's "Holy Grail"... the one who refers to the loss of his limbs as "just a flesh wound".  My tendency is to fight on my own, denying that it's a losing battle.  Eventually, I just surrender.  But things have been changing... I still tend to fight on my own first... but when I realize I can't fight anymore, I've been asking God to step in and fight for me.  And He has!  How awesome to know that the God of the universe is fighting for my heart.  If I rely on His strength, I can rest in the knowledge that the battle for healing is already won.

And I'm trusting that the struggle will be worth it in the end.  I long to be whole, to be restored to the glory God intended when He created Adam and Eve.  I know my relationship with Him will be deeper.  I will be able to bless and be blessed in my relationships with others (instead of being so needy I suffocate my friends).  And I will be able to step into God's vision for my life with confidence in Him instead of fear of my own failure.  I miss my friends, but if this is what it takes to truly experience healing, I'll trust God with it and keep moving forward.