More Musings

Last night God reminded me not to negate the fact that He cares about everything that is going on my life, no matter how big or small.  My situation may not be as overwhelming or out of my control as Hannah's, but it's something I'm going through, and God cares about that.  He wants me to come to Him and say, "Here's what's going on and here's how I feel about it.  Here's how I would like the situation to be resolved."  But in doing that, there are a couple things I need to learn from Hannah.

1. Who my Enemy really is and Who is fighting the battle
The writer of 1 Samuel tells us that Hannah was provoked to tears by Penninah's ridicule, but he doesn't indicate that Hannah ever addressed that part of the issue.  Instead of seeking to change, Penninah, Hannah seeks to change her situation.  In her prayer of thanksgiving after Samuel is born, Hannah says that she boasts over her enemies because of God's deliverance.  This seems to indicate an understanding that Penninah is not the enemy; rather, she is a tool the enemy is using to press on wounds that already exist in Hannah's heart.

This is so true in my situation as well.  Satan knows exactly where my weak spots are.  He knows that I struggle so much with knowing that I am worth it, so he works through other people to create situations that make it easy for me to believe the lie that I'm not.  In my humanness, I react to those people in hurt and anger... but my reaction should be to go to God and ask Him to fight the battle against my real enemy.  If needed, He will deal with those who hurt me in His way and His timing.  But my greatest need is for Him to fight my real enemy.

2. A desire for God's glory that outweighs any other desire
Hannah makes her request of God, and then immediately promises to return the gift to Him if He chooses to give it.  She holds her desire with open hands.  She really wants a child, but she knows that ultimately she wants God more than anything else.  His glory and praise are more important to her than the fulfillment of her own desires.

I need to do the same.  I need to sift through what I want to see happen in my situation and discover which (if any) of those desires seem to align with God's desire for me and my heart.  Then I need to ask for those things with open hands.  They aren't tangible items (like a child) that I can physically give back to God.  But I can choose to make sure that I seek first to glorify God and bless others with the whatever He chooses to give me.

It's totally ok to lay my heart before God... to be honest with how I feel and what I want... I need to go to Him and ask Him to fight my battles instead of fighting them myself... cause I usually wind up fighting the wrong enemy and creating more problems instead of solving the ones that already exist.  And all of that knowledge is humbling-- to know that I love a God who cares about me enough to invite me to ask for what I need... what a thought!